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by carter-sg-1 (Areneth)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areneth/pseuds/carter-sg-1
Summary: My attempt at fixing the Endgame end scene by adding a bit.Probably overly sappy. Just saying.
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	Home

We are back in the Alpha Quadrant. Unexpectedly, amazingly, incredibly … suddenly - because you've kept your promise.

A single thought overrides everything else - if we are here that means that

_You are dead_.

My mind cannot process anything else.

We have exited the Borg aperture in more or less one piece scaring half the Federation and dealing a crippling blow to the Borg to boot. The newest Voyager has been born. I know because Tom has rushed passed me on the way to meet his daughter.

I should be rejoicing, I should be celebrating. But I am numb, no...I am **paralysed** by grief.

We are _Back_ but at what cost?

_You are dead._

A Kathryn Janeway had to die for this. A price too high to justify. And I could do nothing, powerless to stop it, powerless to stop you. I failed you in the end.

_M_ _r. Chakotay._ I deserve that.

Moving blindly I do as you command.

I can't breathe. My chest is too tight with my hands flying on autopilot over the helm controls. I am more than grateful when Fitzpatrick relieves me of this duty 5 minutes into our newly plotted course "home".

Home… _s_ uch a relative term.

I turn to walk back towards my chair and catch your eyes.

_Home._

The same visceral despair that is ripping through me is reflected there. We are islands of misery in a sea of hope and excitement.

A You had to die to get us here, and my mind can't accept that fact even as I stare at a You, alive if not well sitting in front of me in your chair on **our** bridge.

I am frozen in my tracks, desperately trying to cling to my sanity, mourning your loss as I look at your face.

"Captain," Tuvok - never have I been so glad for his interruption, "I have collected the preliminary damage and casualty reports. Would you and commander Chakotay like to go over them while you draft the initial communique for Starfleet?".

You visibly shudder and reluctantly sever our connection. Your voice is hoarse as you ask him to forward the reports to the ready room.

"Tuvok you have the bridge. Commander you are with me. "

_Commander._ Not Mister.

That more than anything grounds me and unlocks my reluctant legs to make the short trip across the bridge.

I nod my sincere thanks to Tuvok as I follow you into your sanctuary.

As the door quietly swishes behind me I stop in my tracks. 

There you are, leaning against the railing, not bothering to check if I followed. Such a familiar sight.

A stark profile against the starry background - prominent cheekbones, too pale a complexion, but no stubborn chin I've come to expect.

The truth is I've never seen you look more frail, more exhausted. You've been stripped of your command persona and all that is left in its wake is… Kathryn.

I am unsure what you need or expect me to do in this moment, still dazed that you are standing in front of me, alive despite the fact that my heart is twisted in agony over the death of … another You.

And then I notice the tears silently making their way down your cheeks.

 _You are not alone Kathryn_ \- My own words mock me as I remember the promise I had made. In the moment that should have been your… our greatest victory I deserted you, left you standing alone on _our_ bridge.

"Kathryn..."

You look up towards me making no effort to hide the tears and it breaks me to see the defeat there. You are running on empty, alone, lost. No longer expecting anything... or anyone… There is such a finality to your despair.

I finally fully grasp what the older you tried to tell me last night. I now understand - the why.

For this past year you've been steadily pulling away from me, and I had stupidly let you do it, too tired of our game, too tired to dig deeper and understand your reasoning. I had almost succeeded in convincing myself that it was OK, that it was natural. People drift apart after all. You were over the idea of there ever being an "us", and I had nearly succeeded in convincing myself that I could get over the inexplicable magnetic pull you've always had over me.

Yet when I look at you now, no walls between us, no protocols or rules… I only see Kathryn and I know it has all been a rouse on your part. All of it has been for nought. I feel like I'm drowning.

_Always._

I know the Admiral told you about me and Seven. Something I did not share with you because I don't believe it's serious myself. I know now that you have this crazy notion that you don't have a right to ask or expect anything of me. The Admiral told me this too, but none of that matters as I slowly close the distance between us.

The overwhelming urge to keep you safe, to try and make it better, to try and make you just a bit... happier overrides - _Everything_.

"Kath... " I whisper as my voice breaks.

And just like that, finally, you are in my arms.

I need this as much as you do, maybe even more so. My tears mingle with yours and soak into my collar as you press your face into the crook of my neck.

I can feel you shaking, your hands holding on for dear life to the back of my jacket as I cradle your head in one hand, the other hugging you impossibly closer to me. You are here, you are alive, despite all odds, despite - dying - to get us here.

_Home._

This IS Home, you are...Home.


End file.
